General Parenting 

For many parents one of the biggest challenges is to create structure and balance.  

There are thousands of books on parenting skills, including how to be a better authoritative or disciplined parent; but this philosophy does not fit every parent.  One of the struggles as a parent is to find the way to balance structure (rules and expectations) with love and personal values.  The often touted parenting styles; can be difficult for parents to embrace.  Generations were raised with the expectation of the parent as the strict authoritative figure with a “seen and not heard” philosophy, but today’s parent is often looking for a more engaged style which is less about discipline and more about returning the unconditional love. 

Most children seem to do well with the structure of clear expectations and each growth cycle seems to push the boundaries, the challenge of the “its mine” toddler years, the nearly endless questioning curiosity of school age and the flat out rebellion of the teen coming of age.  Every cycle of development wants to know where the boundaries are and how far across the boundaries they can safely transverse.  Finding the balance between structure and rigidity can be a challenge for parents.  Many child development experts believe that helping child learn to adapt when structure or schedules shift can be instrumental in the development of emotional intelligence.  Parents need to provide support for their children to develop adaptability and flexibility when things go differently than planned.  We have all witnessed the child in full melt down because expectations weren’t met.  Understanding how to manage when you can’t have what you want can be a strong coping skill to instill as your child matures.  Often, what is essential for the child is the security that is a side-bar benefit from the schedule and structure, where they can count or rely on the routine for a feeling of security. 

Play and time to allow your child to be child is an important part of parenting.  Children today start early with hectic schedules of lessons, sports, competitions and activities. Busy days and demanding expectations often leaves little time for the pure pleasure of play.  Experts however, have found that play is critical to child development.  Imagination, creativity and innovation all develop during make believe and playtime.  Rehearsal and role-playing strengthen self-identity and self-esteem. 

New parents often are very anxious or nervous about making the right decisions, being stern enough or doing the ‘right’ things.  While authors and experts will offer prescriptive advice about the ‘right’ style or techniques, but every parent/child relationship is unique.  You have to find your style, the balance and the approach that works for you and each child.  

Parenting is in the final analysis a role modeling, mentoring and advocacy role.  It is important to instill moral values, self-discipline and self-management skills.  But more often than not, children become what they see not what they are told.  In most cases the best parenting advice is to be the kind of person you want your child to become.